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Chaotic NeutralSupply Co.Requisition0

Catalog index → all departments

Catalog Index

All items approved for civilian misuse. Use at own risk. Inventory counts are estimates. Estimates are also inventory.

Filter by department stamp

Showing 23 of 23 filed items — no filter applied

CN-042 — Adventure Apparel
Black t-shirt reading “I’m not ignoring you. I’m prioritizing the cigar.” on a 1977 catalog page with specs and starbursts

Prioritizing The Cigar Tee

For people who make poor choices.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-058 — Adventure Apparel
Tan t-shirt reading “Cigars: cheaper than bail” on a 1977 catalog page with a spec sheet and warehouse-inspected stamp

Cheaper Than Bail Tee

Built for bad decisions.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-063 — Adventure Apparel
Oatmeal t-shirt reading “If a bear has you stuck in a tree, try to atomic elbow it — better to die a man’s death” on an Adventure Apparel Division spec sheetNo training required!

Atomic Elbow Tee

Bear contingency. Not a good one.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-071 — Adventure Apparel
Black t-shirt reading “The sign said do not feed the bears — it said nothing about making friends” on a spec sheet with front and back views

Do Not Feed The Bears Tee

The sign was incomplete.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-077 — Adventure Apparel
Black t-shirt reading “If attacked by wolves, establish dominance by making it weird” on a 1977 catalog page with a field-tested starburstField tested!

Establish Dominance Tee

Wolf protocol. Socially expensive.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-084 — Adventure Apparel
Oatmeal t-shirt reading “When life gives you lemons, throw them at the bear” on an Adventure Apparel Division sheet with specifications

Throw Them At The Bear Tee

Citrus-based conflict resolution.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-089 — Adventure Apparel
Oatmeal t-shirt reading “I’m not stupid — show me the candy first” with a Free Candy van, shown on a spec sheet with neckline and hem detailsAbsolutely unnecessary!

Show Me The Candy Tee

Due diligence for the abducted.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-093 — Morale Products
Charcoal t-shirt reading “It’s not a lab accident if you learned something” on a Chaotic Neutral spec sheet stamped warehouse inspected

Not A Lab Accident Tee

Learning outcome achieved. Eyebrows not.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-101 — Morale Products
Black t-shirt reading “Trust the science. Fear the scientist.” on a Morale Products Dept. catalog page with a checklist and inspection stamp

Fear The Scientist Tee

Same great tee. Different reality.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-107 — Adventure Apparel
Sand t-shirt reading “Bear repellent? No. Bear conversation starter.” on a 1977 catalog page with a model in aviators, a grizzly on the ridge, and an inset spec sheetApproved by no one!

Bear Conversation Starter Tee

Repels nothing. Initiates everything.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-112 — Adventure Apparel
Black t-shirt reading “Some men go outside to find themselves. Other men go outside to cause problems.” on a spec sheet, printed with a hiker dangling a rubber duck in front of a puzzled coyoteNo training required!

Cause Problems Tee

Two kinds of men. One shirt.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
CN-118 — Adventure Apparel
Oatmeal t-shirt reading “What do you mean, dumpster fire? Everything’s just fine!” on an Adventure Apparel Division page, printed with a grinning man smoking a cigar beside a burning dumpster marked Disaster Solutions Inc.

Dumpster Fire Tee

Situation nominal. Ask no follow-ups.

$34.00Specification Sheet →
AA-022 — Adventure Apparel
[ product shot — adventure apparel ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)

Unmarked Coverall

No insignia. No questions. No pockets.

$84.00Specification Sheet →
AA-045 — Adventure Apparel
[ product shot — adventure apparel ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)Limited supply!

Retreat Windbreaker

Water resistant. Commitment resistant.

$62.00Specification Sheet →
MP-004 — Morale Products
[ product shot — morale products ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)

Participation Patch

Awarded for showing up, eventually.

$9.00Specification Sheet →
MP-011 — Morale Products
[ product shot — morale products ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)

Mandatory Fun Mug

Holds 11 oz. and one grievance.

$18.00Specification Sheet →
FE-009 — Field Equipment
[ product shot — field equipment ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)No training required!

Ambiguous Compass

Points somewhere. Consistently.

$41.00Specification Sheet →
FE-026 — Field Equipment
[ product shot — field equipment ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)

Surplus Duffel, 60L

Rated for gear, evidence, or both.

$96.00Specification Sheet →
FE-038 — Field Equipment
[ product shot — field equipment ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)

Field Notebook CN-77

Waterproof. Not fireproof. We tried.

$12.00Specification Sheet →
PD-031 — Poor Decisions
[ product shot — poor decisions ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)Absolutely unnecessary!

Second Thoughts Cap

Adjustable. Unlike your circumstances.

$32.00Specification Sheet →
PD-052 — Poor Decisions
[ product shot — poor decisions ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)

Regret Bandana

One size fits most oversights.

$14.00Specification Sheet →
DN-002 — Dubious Necessities
[ product shot — dubious necessities ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)As seen in absolutely nothing!

Certificate of Nothing

Notarized by an unlicensed party.

$6.00Specification Sheet →
DN-019 — Dubious Necessities
[ product shot — dubious necessities ]1:1 Scale (Not Really)

Spare Key, Unknown Lock

Somewhere, a door is waiting.

$22.00Specification Sheet →
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