Catalog index → Morale Products Division → CN-093
Auxiliary documentation — 2 plates on file. Select to display; click the display to enlarge.
Not A Lab
Accident Tee
Item CN-093 reclassifies an incident as an outcome, provided the correct paperwork is filed afterward. The front print is intended for personnel whose work generates both discoveries and smoke, frequently in that order. Approved for questionable behavior; approved by nobody in particular.
Issue size
Still $34.00
Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B
| Weight | Heavier than it looks. |
|---|---|
| Color | Officially "Charcoal." Unofficially "debatable." |
| Material | 100% cotton. Not rated for anything you are about to do to it. |
| Fit | Standard. Back panel left blank for more bad ideas. |
| Intended use | Morale. |
| Uses | Labs, garages, unsupervised curiosity, incident reports, etc. |
| Compliance | Warehouse inspected. Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B. |
| Side effects | Increased chaos, frequent laughter, questionable decisions. |
Report 1 of 3 — Operator 12-A, bench 4, unventilated
The reaction went as predicted for eleven seconds. I learned something during the twelfth. Per the shirt, this was not an accident.
Report 2 of 3 — Safety officer, Bldg. 7
Have asked repeatedly that this garment not be worn during incident reviews. The wearer keeps entering the room already vindicated.
Report 3 of 3 — Redacted
████ learned ████. The eyebrows have not returned. ████ files this outcome under Findings rather than ████.
Chaotic Neutral Supply Co. is not a laboratory, a safety authority, or an accredited institution of any kind, and the reclassification printed on this garment carries no weight with insurers, regulators, or your supervisor. This garment is not personal protective equipment. It is not flame resistant, chemical resistant, or resistant to the specific thing you are thinking of right now. Wearer accepts that learning something does not retroactively convert an accident into a method, and that this distinction is generally drawn by someone other than the wearer. Science don’t care what you think. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.* *Guarantee void on contact with heat, solvent, or oversight.
Frequently misappropriated with:
Fear The Scientist Tee
Same great tee. Different reality.
Participation Patch
Awarded for showing up, eventually.
Mandatory Fun Mug
Holds 11 oz. and one grievance.