Catalog index → Adventure Apparel Division → CN-058
Auxiliary documentation — 1 plate on file. Select to display; click the display to enlarge.
Cheaper Than
Bail Tee
Item CN-058 is a standard-issue garment for personnel conducting comparative cost analysis between premium tobacco and the criminal justice system. Findings are printed on the front so the conclusion travels with you. Warehouse-inspected, street-approved, court-adjacent.
Issue size
Still $34.00
Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B
| Weight | 6.0 oz. The legal system weighs more. |
|---|---|
| Color | Officially "Sand." Unofficially "the color of a holding cell at golden hour." |
| Material | 100% cotton (the front part), 100% cotton (the back part), 100% cotton (the sleeves). |
| Fit | Standard. Neither flight nor fight, but comfortable for both. |
| Front chest graphic, applied at 340°F by persons unknown. | |
| Uses | Lounging, loitering (alleged), fiscal planning, etc. |
| Compliance | Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B. |
| Origin | Recovered from our eastern warehouse. It was in the vault. The vault is a closet. |
Report 1 of 3 — Public defender, undisclosed jurisdiction
Client wore it to the hearing. The judge read the shirt, read the docket, and reduced the fine on grounds of arithmetic.
Report 2 of 3 — Night-shift clerk, Bldg. 7
Ran the numbers twice. Shirt is correct. Bail remains, as ever, the inferior value proposition.
Report 3 of 3 — Redacted
████ wore this item during ████ and reports total satisfaction, pending the outcome of ████.
Chaotic Neutral Supply Co. makes no representation regarding the relative cost of bail in any jurisdiction, real or imagined. This garment is not legal counsel, financial advice, or a character witness. Do not cite the front print in court unless prepared to accept the consequences, which our attorneys describe as considerable. In the event of contradiction between this disclaimer and the shirt, the shirt has seniority. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.* *Guarantee void where prohibited, permitted, or observed.
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