Catalog index → Adventure Apparel Division → CN-112
Auxiliary documentation — 2 plates on file. Select to display; click the display to enlarge.
Cause
Problems Tee
Item CN-112 divides the outdoor population into two categories and prints the taxonomy on the chest so the wearer need not explain themselves at the trailhead. The illustration depicts the second category mid-application, using a rubber duck on a string and a coyote who has not agreed to participate. Equipment for the misguided, the curious, and the unbothered.
Issue size
Still $34.00
Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B
| Weight | Heavier than it looks. |
|---|---|
| Color | Officially "Black." Unofficially "debatable." |
| Material | 100% cotton. Field tested ideas, poorly behaved results. |
| Fit | Built for questionable people. Sized generously for the same. |
| Measurements | 29 in. length (ish). 22 in. chest, laid flat. Consequences: unmeasured. |
| Uses | Hiking, camping, fishing, overthinking. |
| Compliance | Warehouse inspected. Looks legit enough. |
| Origin | Undisclosed. Problems travel well. |
Report 1 of 3 — Operator 66-R, trailhead, opening weekend
Was asked at the register which category I fell into. Did not answer. The shirt had already answered, which is what I paid for.
Report 2 of 3 — Requisition clerk, Bldg. 7
Ordered one for the loading dock. Within a week the dock had reorganized itself into the two categories described on the front and productivity was, by every measure we keep, unchanged.
Report 3 of 3 — Redacted
████ went outside. ████ caused ████ problems. The coyote has been seen since and appears ████.
Chaotic Neutral Supply Co. does not endorse causing problems outdoors, indoors, or in the transitional spaces between, and prints the second category as observation rather than instruction. Wildlife is not a participant in your recreation and does not consent to being shown a rubber duck. Nothing on this garment authorizes the wearer to disturb an animal, a habitat, a campsite, or another party’s afternoon. Wearer accepts that a shirt announcing an intention does not excuse acting on it, and that rangers have heard the joke. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.* *Guarantee void on public land, private land, and the parts nobody has claimed.
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