Catalog index → Adventure Apparel Division → AA-045
Auxiliary documentation — [ front ], [ reverse ], [ print detail ]
Retreat
Windbreaker
Item AA-045 is a lightweight outer layer engineered for rapid, dignified withdrawal from developing situations. Water resistant. Commitment resistant. The drawstring hood cinches fully, permitting the wearer to exit both the weather and the conversation simultaneously.
Issue size
Still $62.00
Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B
| Weight | 4.1 oz. Lighter than your obligations. |
|---|---|
| Color | Officially "Storm." Unofficially "the color of a decision being unmade." |
| Material | 100% nylon, 0% follow-through. |
| Fit | Relaxed enough to turn around in. We checked. |
| Resistance | Water resistant. Commitment resistant. Weather-adjacent. |
| Uses | Strategic repositioning, tactical farewells, leaving early, etc. |
| Compliance | Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B. |
| Origin | Field-tested under highly dubious conditions by personnel who did not consent to the test. |
Report 1 of 3 — Forward observer (retreating), elevation unknown
Deployed the hood at the first sign of drizzle and the first sign of accountability. Both passed overhead without incident.
Report 2 of 3 — Requisition clerk, Bldg. 7
Ordered twelve. Received eleven and a note reading GONE FISHING. The note was wearing one of them.
Report 3 of 3 — Redacted
████ recommends this item for ████ withdrawals, provided the withdrawal is described afterward as a ████.
Chaotic Neutral Supply Co. does not warrant that any retreat conducted in this garment will be described as strategic. The windbreaker resists water, wind, and mild interrogation; it does not resist subpoenas, wedding invitations, or performance reviews. Do not use as a parachute, sail, or white flag, though it has served capably as all three. In the event of contradiction between this disclaimer and prevailing winds, the winds prevail. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.* *Guarantee void where prohibited, permitted, or observed.
Frequently misappropriated with:
Prioritizing The Cigar Tee
For people who make poor choices.
Cheaper Than Bail Tee
Built for bad decisions.
No training required!Atomic Elbow Tee
Bear contingency. Not a good one.