Catalog index → Field Equipment Division → FE-009
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Ambiguous
Compass
Item FE-009 is a precision navigation instrument that points somewhere, consistently. No training is required, as no training would help. The needle holds steady regardless of magnetic north, true north, or the moral direction of the expedition.
Issue size
Still $41.00
Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B
| Weight | 2.8 oz. The needle accounts for most of the confidence. |
|---|---|
| Color | Officially "Brass." Unofficially "the color of certainty, unearned." |
| Material | Brass housing, glass crystal, needle of unknown allegiance. |
| Accuracy | Points somewhere. Consistently. Within 47% of a direction. |
| Training | No training required. No training offered. No training possible. |
| Uses | Navigation, decoration, settling arguments about which way, etc. |
| Compliance | Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B. |
| Origin | Calibrated in a facility where all four walls are marked NORTH. |
Report 1 of 3 — Expedition lead, coordinates withheld
Followed the needle for six days. Arrived somewhere. The somewhere had a gift shop. Declaring victory.
Report 2 of 3 — Cartographer (former), Bldg. 7
Compared it against three certified compasses. All four disagree. The ambiguous one is the only one that never wavers. Trusting it now.
Report 3 of 3 — Redacted
████ navigated by this instrument to ████ and has not been heard from since. The needle, however, remains confident.
Chaotic Neutral Supply Co. does not warrant arrival at any destination, named or otherwise. This instrument indicates a direction; whether it is yours is a matter between you and the needle. Do not rely on this compass for actual navigation, actual orienteering, or actual anything. In the event of contradiction between this compass and any other compass, both are correct and you are lost. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.* *Guarantee valid only in jurisdictions where time flows backward.
Frequently misappropriated with:
Surplus Duffel, 60L
Rated for gear, evidence, or both.
Field Notebook CN-77
Waterproof. Not fireproof. We tried.
Prioritizing The Cigar Tee
For people who make poor choices.