Catalog index → Morale Products Division → CN-101
Auxiliary documentation — 2 plates on file. Select to display; click the display to enlarge.
Fear The
Scientist Tee
Item CN-101 draws a distinction the public has been slow to make and prints it in two colors so the matter is settled on sight. The methodology is sound; the practitioner is the variable. Same great tee, different reality.
Issue size
Still $34.00
Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B
| Weight | Heavier than it looks. Soft, broken-in feel. |
|---|---|
| Color | Officially "Black." Unofficially "the color of a grant application at 3 a.m." |
| Material | 100% cotton, peer reviewed by nobody. |
| Fit | Standard. Approved for mischief, curiosity, and everyday wear. |
| Measurements | 29 in. length (ish). 22 in. chest, laid flat. Findings not reproducible. |
| Uses | Labs, LAN parties, and life in general. |
| Compliance | Warehouse inspected. Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B. |
| Origin | Undisclosed. The scientist depicted has declined to confirm or deny the likeness. |
Report 1 of 3 — Graduate assistant, department unnamed
Wore it to the colloquium. Received one compliment, two nods, and a funding offer from someone who should not have been in the building.
Report 2 of 3 — Requisition clerk, Bldg. 7
Morale Products insists this is a morale product. Poor Decisions has filed a competing claim. The shirt continues to ship under both.
Report 3 of 3 — Redacted
████ trusted the science. ████ then met the scientist. ████ now wears this garment as a warning to others.
Chaotic Neutral Supply Co. affirms the scientific method and takes no position on any individual practitioner of it, living, deceased, or currently unaccounted for. Nothing printed on this garment should be read as an endorsement of distrust in research, findings, consensus, or the people who produce them; the shirt distinguishes between a method and a mood. This garment is not a credential, a laboratory coat, or grounds for admission to any facility. Wearer accepts that curiosity keeps you sane only up to a documented threshold, past which it does the opposite. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.* *Guarantee valid only in jurisdictions where the findings replicate.
Frequently misappropriated with:
Not A Lab Accident Tee
Learning outcome achieved. Eyebrows not.
Participation Patch
Awarded for showing up, eventually.
Mandatory Fun Mug
Holds 11 oz. and one grievance.