Catalog index → Adventure Apparel Division → CN-118
Auxiliary documentation — 1 plate on file. Select to display; click the display to enlarge.
Dumpster
Fire Tee
Item CN-118 supplies the correct response to a question the wearer would prefer not to have been asked. The front print reframes an ongoing structural failure as a settled matter, using a gentleman who has made peace with the temperature. Some people collect things; we wear them.
Issue size
Still $34.00
Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B
| Weight | Heavier than it looks. The situation weighs more. |
|---|---|
| Color | Officially "Oatmeal." Unofficially "debatable." |
| Material | 100% cotton. Not flame resistant, which is thematically consistent. |
| Fit | Relaxed, in defiance of available evidence. |
| Front chest graphic. Same great artwork, real threads. | |
| Uses | Status meetings, quarter ends, general denial, etc. |
| Compliance | Warehouse inspected. Built for bad decisions and good times anyway. |
| Origin | Undisclosed. The dumpster in the illustration is not company property and the fire predates us. |
Report 1 of 3 — Operator 03-M, open-plan office, fourth quarter
Wore it to the all-hands. Was asked no questions for the duration, which is the first time that has happened in nine years of all-hands.
Report 2 of 3 — Requisition clerk, Bldg. 7
Received a bulk order from a department that declined to name itself. Shipped it. Have heard nothing since and have elected to interpret the silence favorably.
Report 3 of 3 — Redacted
████ confirmed that everything was fine. ████ was, at the time, ████. Both statements remain on file.
Chaotic Neutral Supply Co. makes no representation that anything is fine. This garment is not flame resistant, not protective equipment, and not a substitute for evacuating a building, a project, or an arrangement that has begun to smoke. Do not wear it near an actual fire, where the printed reassurance carries no authority whatsoever. Wearer acknowledges that declaring a situation resolved does not resolve it, and that the gentleman on the front is a cautionary figure rather than a role model, notwithstanding his composure. In the event of contradiction between this disclaimer and the shirt, consult the temperature. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.* *Guarantee void once anyone else has noticed.
Frequently misappropriated with:
Prioritizing The Cigar Tee
For people who make poor choices.
Cheaper Than Bail Tee
Built for bad decisions.
No training required!Atomic Elbow Tee
Bear contingency. Not a good one.