Catalog index → Poor Decisions Division → PD-052
Auxiliary documentation — [ front ], [ reverse ], [ print detail ]
Regret
Bandana
Item PD-052 is a 22-inch square of printed cotton for personnel managing the aftermath. One size fits most oversights. Ties at the back, covers the front, and absorbs approximately one (1) morning-after of perspiration per wearing.
Issue size
Still $14.00
Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B
| Dimensions | 22 × 22 in. Oversights larger than this require two. |
|---|---|
| Color | Officially "Paisley." Unofficially "the pattern of poor planning." |
| Material | 100% cotton (the front part), 100% cotton (the back part). There is no front part. |
| Fit | One size fits most oversights. Oversights of unusual magnitude excepted. |
| Paisley, screen-printed slightly off-register, like the evening itself. | |
| Uses | Headwear, neckwear, tourniquet of dignity, white flag (cut in half), etc. |
| Compliance | Meets or exceeds fictional MIL-SPEC CN-77-B. |
| Origin | Dyed in vats that have seen things. The vats decline to elaborate. |
Report 1 of 3 — Line cook, undisclosed diner
Tied it on before the double shift. By closing, it had absorbed fryer steam, dishwater, and a breakup witnessed across the counter. Washed out clean. Mostly.
Report 2 of 3 — Festival attendee, mud-adjacent
Used it as a dust mask, a sunshade, and a signal flag to locate my party. The party had left. The bandana stayed. Loyal.
Report 3 of 3 — Redacted
████ knots this item before every ████ and has not been recognized since. ████ sends regards.
Chaotic Neutral Supply Co. assumes no responsibility for oversights fitted, oversights exceeded, or oversights discovered while wearing this item. The bandana absorbs perspiration, not consequences. Do not use as a sling, a filter, or a binding legal document, though it has served capably as all three in arbitration we decline to cite. In the event of contradiction between this disclaimer and the paisley, the paisley is decorative and therefore innocent. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.* *Guarantee valid only in jurisdictions where time flows backward.
Frequently misappropriated with:
Second Thoughts Cap
Adjustable. Unlike your circumstances.
Prioritizing The Cigar Tee
For people who make poor choices.
Cheaper Than Bail Tee
Built for bad decisions.